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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when it is bedtime at a pedophile's house? When the big hand touches the little hand."

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Find the fresh prints"

"Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I... can't see."

"Who else does this? 1. wets toothbrush 2. puts toothpaste on toothbrush 3. wets toothbrush again 4. does backflip on to huge pile of money"

"If I don't get my IBS and anger issues figured out... I'm going to lose my shit."

"Old Man and his Babies"

"Why does Mike Tyson refuse to buy playstation ? Because he is an x-boxer"

"The 4 stage of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 3. You are Santa Clause 4. You look like Santa Claus"

"[marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over"

"How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? Simple! He just worked it out with a pencil!"