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Joke of the Day

"My son said he couldn't sleep last night because of the thunder. I feel bad for locking him out now."

"Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy."

"My teenage son is obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine. But I'm sure it's just a phase."

"Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back."

"I heard Samsung is making a feature film They're calling it Total Recall."

"Q: Why wouldn't the skeleton jump off the cliff? A: Because it had no guts."

"Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn't enough."

"A lesbian tried to hit on me today, so I let her know that I was straight. She told me, ""Spaghetti is straight too, till it gets wet"""

"Why did the fire fighter call off work to spend time with his friend? Because...bros before hose!"

"I just invented a new word: plagiarism"