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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why wouldn't the skeleton jump off the cliff? A: Because it had no guts."

"I lost fifty pounds... Unfortunately, I was in England at the time."

"What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated"

"If people winked in real life as much as they do on the Internet, the world would be about 542.67% creepier."

"What's the name of the Mexican woman with no legs? Cuntswaylow"

"You don't get smarter as you get older. There just aren't any stupid things left that you haven't already done."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? you: R? One might think it's the R, but really, it's the C."

"I'm a responsible adult Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine"

"the guy at the liquor store didn't card me and it hurt my feelings so I said I was a cop and idk what to do next we're just standing here"

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Hippies screw in vans."