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Joke of the Day

"Me: Can I dip my breadstick in your Alfredo sauce? Him: Usually it's me asking you that. 13YO: SHUT UP. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

"Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. The worst that can happen is embarrassment, social shame and everyone thinking you're an idiot"

"Her:""What do you do?"" Me:""I teach astronomy."" Her:""OMG!! I'm a Sagitarius! Can you see my future?"" Me:""Yes, you'll go home alone tonight."""

"Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours? Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box !"

"I'll never get picked for jury duty because I'd be the one on trial....."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7 7 is a registered six offender"

"Our wedding pic looks like my wife's selfie photo bombed by me."

"What did the black kid get on his SATs? BBQ sauce."

"Mexican Magician A Mexican magician was known for his vanishing act. He would drape a sheet over his head and count: ""Uno! Dos!""...........POOF! the sheet fell flat. He was gone without a Tres."

"What super hero league would Caitlyn Jenner be a member of? The X men!"