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Joke of the Day

"Mexican Magician A Mexican magician was known for his vanishing act. He would drape a sheet over his head and count: ""Uno! Dos!""...........POOF! the sheet fell flat. He was gone without a Tres."

"I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed ""take a nap"" with ""piece of crap"" so don't tell me about your parenting skills."

"How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag? hint: take the ""S"" out of ""safe"" and the ""F"" out of ""way"""

"You inner anus is so big that when you skydive it acts as a parachute."

"Enjoyed 3 minutes and 42 seconds of extra sleep this morning by letting my kids stay up 5 hours past their bedtime"

"When I'm in the car and a sad song comes on the radio, I stare out the window and act like I'm in a movie."

"What's the worst part about being a pedophile? Trying to fit in"

"Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana"

"Use Angie's List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants."

"Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz ""you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari"" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best"