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Joke of the Day

"1970s: ""Hey baby"" 1990s: ""Hey babe"" 2014: ""Hey bae"" 2020: ""Hey b"" 2030: ""All hail our glorious squirrel overlords"""

"My stages of drunk: 1. You're UGLY 2. You're HOT 3. You're BEAUTIFUL 4. Your HONOR in my defense......"

"A microwave with three only buttons. 1. Hot Pocket 2. Pizza Rolls 3. 4 Hot Pockets and 60 Pizza Rolls"

"*gets called a psychopath *googles ""What's the average IQ of a psychopath?"" AWWW, HE THINKS I'M REALLY SMART."

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow? Get the bitch a shovel."

"If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial."

"Two go through a tunnel, says the third to the fourth: "" I think we're five"". Says the sixth: ""I don't get it""."

"I saw a couple of adjectives and a pronoun nervously smoking outside court yesterday. Probably awaiting sentencing."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breasts? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is so weird. It's like, ""We know you read us for sports but how about this week you just beat off?"""