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Joke of the Day

"Fight club. Only naps instead. Rules the same. Just no fights. Only secret, uninterrupted glorious naps."

"What does Deadpool need? Someone to merc him shut up."

"I was on a date with a girl last night... She told me she had an eating disorder. I looked at her solemnly for a minute and then asked her very nicely: ""So are you gonna eat 'dis order of fries then?"""

"I like my slaves the same way I like my coffee Free"

"[Request] Some computer jokes."

"What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News? A bad news bear"

"The girl in the kitchen is cooking dinner When dinner didn't arrive on the table, they looked in the kitchen. They didn't find anything but Tara-gone."

"What do you get when you roll weed on a dictionary? ...High Definition"

"Oh look! A guy with ""Stand-Up Comic"" in his bio unfollowed me two seconds after I followed back. That's never happened before."

"How do you make an octopus laugh? By giving it ten tickles *badumts*"