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Joke of the Day

"All of the people complaining about Harriet Tubman being on the new $20 bill... Most likely don't see too many $20 bills."

"When you're in the shower, and you hear loud thumps and you think ""THEY'RE KILLING MY FAMILY, AND I'LL HAVE TO FIGHT THE ATTACKER NAKED"""

"Sometimes I'll stop the treadmill at the gym and run in place. When people ask me what I'm doing, I'll say, ""Pretend stoplight."""

"What's black and white all over and difficult? An exam paper!"

"My random thoughts Hmm I usually don't laugh out loud. But I have tried multiple times to laugh my fucking ass off. But it never falls off! :("

"The guy who invented the velcro died last week RIP"

"hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it"

"Why did the chicken cross my wife? Because I ran her over in the street."

"I masturbate with soap... Just thought I'd come clean."

"My wife said she for Lent she was giving up eating meat. I thought she did that after the wedding vows."