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Joke of the Day

"What's Whitney Houstons favourite kind of co-ordination? Haaand eeeeeeyeeee"

"Why was Henry the Eighth so fat? Because he Tudor house."

"Hey [STOP] Got your voicemail earlier [STOP] I'm replying with a telegram because you're apparently a big fan of outdated technology [STOP]"

"What is it called when a criminal gets excited? A Con-Yay!"

"As a mom of 18 & 20 year olds: save while your kids are young, then at graduation, buy yourself a new car & send them to community college."

"Whoever named it 'rain' is an idiot. I definitley wouldve called it 'sky water.'"

"Went to this zoo in Venezuela and the only animal they had was one dog It was a shih tzu"

"What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Slow down and use lubricant."

"I'd like to be an optimist, but I doubt if it would work out."

"I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit."