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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds. "

"What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo."

"How do the Chinese select their baby names? They chuck a tin can down the stairs Ping Wong ching Pang"

"What do you call a wizard who loves being on busy trams? Harry Frotteur"

"How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it."

"I usually hate having long hair But I think it's growing on me."

"How do you please an Amish woman? Give her two Mennonite"

"I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and my doctor said it was caused by browsing /r/funny."

"Why are germans so bad at marathons? Because they cant finish a race."

"All I want from Uber is to be driven around until I fall asleep, carried over the driver's shoulder into my home, and tucked into bed"