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Joke of the Day

"Q: Where does an ape sleep? A: In an apricot."

"""HEY I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY ASLEEP & STUFF, BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M LIKE 22 MILES AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW."" -Trains"

"Why did the drill instructor squirt condiments on his trainees in the morning? That's how he mustard the troops."

"What is a cannibal's favorite fruit? Granny Smith"

"Why did Hu wind-up worse off than Yu? Because Hu died and made Yu king. Hu died and made Yu king? Isn't that what I just said?"

"They say that nothing can be erased from the Internet... Except for Hillary's emails."

"Twice the cold doth striketh A dog, a ski cabin, and a leather jacket walk into the electric cloud being and merge into the one true demongod."

"I just gave a bus full of teenagers the finger before they had a chance to give it to me."

"What were the Zodiac Killer's Plans for Vacation? To take a Cruz."

"It is so cold outside that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pocket"