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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when... ...you cross a religious skeptic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac? A person who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog."

"I was at the pub the other day when the landlord walked up to me, handed me a phone and said, ""It's for you, sir"" ""Thanks mate,"" I said, took it and walked away. What a generous lad."

"If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming. They most likely used an ""Al-Gore-Ithm"""

"Me on New Year's Day: 2016 is so going to be my year! (Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone's year."

"A survey says parents spend $1k on their children's electronics yearly. When WE were young we walked 5 miles uphill in the snow w/ NO APPS!"

"You couldn't kill Sean Bean if he was wearing a red shirt."

"What's the difference between a dead prostitute and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage."

"Christian epileptics don't appreciate when you tell them ""Jesus is the reason for the seizin"""

"The Earth gets a day, Sharks get a week. That sounds about right."

"What's the difference between a religion and a cult? The number of followers"