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Joke of the Day

"They don't make forks like they used to. Modern plastic ware makes me miss the good old tines."

"So I drew a perfect circle today. You could say I finally got around to it."

"What's it like never being flaccid? Hard."

"I don't understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites."

"How did the handyman feel after going to the bar? He was hammered."

"Sometimes when my gf is asleep, I like to sneak into the living room, put on her dress, and pretend I wear the pants in this relationship."

"PASSWORD EVER, USERNAME GREATEST *username/password must each contain at least one numeric character* PASSWORD 9EVER, USERNAME GREATEST6"

"I hate it when I'm trying to make money and someone greases the stripper pole."

"Why does Woody Harrelson's wife call him Moses? Because he Ramparts the red sea each month"

"Morning! I was walking through a graveyard yesterday morning, and saw a guy crouched down behind a grave stone. ""Morning!"" I shouted. ""Nah, just taking a shit!"" He responded."