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Joke of the Day

"[girl points at my scar] What happened? Oh that? Old sports injury. [flashback to me sprinting after an ice cream truck]"

"What did the kids say to the gay rabbit? Silly faggot, Dicks are for chicks!"

"Every time my dentist is kind enough to tell me I need to floss, I am kind enough to tell him that he needs to trim his nostril hairs."

"Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend"

"How is /r/jokes like sex? I don't get it."

"Did you hear about the girl who went fishing with her six male friends? She came home with a red snapper!"

"My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues."

"I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire but I've only come up with one: Lying."

"Robin Williams jokes. God gave men both a penis and brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

"[holding baby] haha oh whoa i thought he'd be slimey but he's really dry"