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Joke of the Day

"I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire but I've only come up with one: Lying."

"What did the Elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe out of that little thing?"

"How many alzheimers patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!"

"They told me if you put your newborn in front of an orphanage he would grow up an Orphan So I stuck my baby in the ATM machine so he could grow up to be a rich banker"

"If history has taught me anything, it's that the person with the loudest, wettest cough will always sit down beside me in a waiting room."

"Whats the last thing that went through Sally's mind after jumping from a skyscraper? Her ankles."

"My minivan has this cool anti-theft system called its a minivan"

"Nerdy Fairy Tale ""Grandmother, what big ears you have!"" ""Since I can't see you, I can at least hear you Infrared Ridinghood..."""

"Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax? To stop hispanic attacks."

"Two old ladies sitting in a doctor's office in Florida... The one says to the other, ""I can't see, I can't hear anything and I can barely walk. Thank God I can still drive."""