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Joke of the Day

"When you date someone you either end up breaking up with them or marrying them... ...And either way you end up unhappy."

"What did Beethoven the dog shed in a moment of genius? Fur Elise"

"My sister graduated from college over a year ago and is still unemployed... I found her sobbing on the couch so I asked, ""having an existential cry, sis?"""

"I want to write a Choose Your Own Adventure where half the choices lead to a page that just says ""Really?"""

"I bet Patrick Swayze's ""Ghost"" ghost & Bruce Willis's ""6th Sense"" ghost make beautiful pottery together in movie heaven."

"Thank you for calling ELVIS Direct Press 1 for the money 2 for the show"

"Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill."

"The elephant and the naked man. What did the elephant say to the naked man? ""How do you eat with that?"" :D"

"What is brown and sticky? A brown stick. Bonus: what's red and fluffy? Red fluff."

"What do Aussies call mates? Cunts. ""Sup cunt""."