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Joke of the Day
"I wonder how long it will be before ""You look like a million bucks"" is an insult. #inflation"
Next Joke
"My wife and I made a vow to never go to bed angry. I'm so fucking tired!"
"Went to my friend's house for a night of drinking... ...crashed on the couch. I was awoken in the middle of the night by my friend blowing chunks. Chunks is the family dog"
"What is the name of your Russian coworker you see the next day? C. U. Tomorov"
"My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs. Me: What am I a pillow now? Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk. I think we're bonding."
"Why are men smarter than women? Because two heads are better than one."
"Why did the tissue get up and dance? It had a little boogy in it."
"So doctor how much time do I have left? 10... 10 what? 9, 8...."
"If breaking a mirror brings 7 years of bad luck, does breaking a lightbulb bring 7 years of bad ideas?"
"INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness? ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself"