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Joke of the Day
"What does an identity thief look like? A mirror."
Next Joke
"Fine. I'll rush you to the hospital, but then we're doing what I want."
"While seen my x-ray, my doctor said.... You know, when I was a child my dad use to tell me ""A picture is worth a thousand words"" But this one just say ""You're screwed"""
"Are you the square root of -100? Cause you're the only 10i see."
"What to you call a cow with no legs... Ground beef"
"Every time my gf stays over we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs 99% of the bed while I'm in the floor hanging on for dear life."
"Do you know how to cook toilet paper? Me either, but I know how to brown it on one side."
"If it weren't for twitter I wouldn't know what it feels like to go unnoticed. Just kidding, I'm married. I know exactly how that feels."
"I told my court-appointed therapist I just needed a little piece and quiet. She said, ""Necrophilia is a crime."""
"I think my wife came from Ikea Cause she came with extra parts that I didn't know about"