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Joke of the Day

"If you're waiting on me to 'get ready' I'm probably just spending 20 minutes trying to get my hoodie strings the same length."

"women love to see the veins in a man's arm. it shows he runs on blood, and not something more sinister"

"If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled."

"I still wake up hoping that class is cancelled."

"What is a short punchy statement? Boxing Midgets."

"When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I'm sure you already know, have a great time!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alfred ! Alfred who ! Alfred of the dark !"

"How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb? One to change it, thirty to write a book about it. :3"

"How are men like fuses? Once they're blown, they're useless."

"What do Brooklyn and tight jeans have in common? Flatbush."