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Joke of the Day

"ISIS is taking back territory after a surprise turn of events Their new partnership with Samsung is quickly paying off"

"*coughs like a maniac* *pretends to pick nose* *scratches armpit* Things I will do on the bus so no one will sit next to me."

"If greens are the staples of a healthy diet... I'm gonna need some paperclips."

"I was gonna go to the gym today... ... But it didn't work out."

"What do you get if you cross a shark with a snowman? An empty playground"

"Wolverine: You know what I can't heal? Jean: What Logan? Wolverine: A broken heart *professor x starts laughing from the other room*"

"If a bundle of sticks with an axe in it is a fasces, does that make an OP with an axe to grind a fascist? Seems that way on 4chan."

"What do toys and boobs have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them!"

"we need a cold and annoying genius type, who should we cast? [Benedict Cumberbatch claws at the office window] hmmm who to cast? [he meows]"

"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Buh dum tsss"