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Joke of the Day

"I heard Facebook is looking to start a program with insurance companies... It'll be called Friends With Benefits."

"When dad Waits to see you on thanks giving Son:We just Ate Dad:OK so you can be here at 5? Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad : I guess through its Beak"

"What is the difference between a 5 and a 2? 3."

"The word for today is legs Go out and spread the word!"

"What is that red stuff on your face? I said to my older cousin what was that red stuff on his face. ""Where?"" He said. I said , as I was forming a punch then punch is fucking face. ""Right there."""

"""Oh, did I ever tell you about the time I bounced a check for my girlfriend's abortion? They had to put the baby back in. And that baby... ...was Shia LaBeouf."" -Klaus, American Dad"

"Imagine meeting the girl of your dreams and then finding out that she eats spaghetti with a knife."

"DOG BOSS: ur fired ME: wait, is there any way you'll reconsider? DOG BOSS: no ME: u want to go for a ride in the car DOG BOSS: *tilts head*"

"Q: What's the difference between an American and a Canadian? A: An Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it."

"What's the difference between 10 dead hookers and a Porsche? I *don't* have a Porsche in my garage."