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Joke of the Day

"80% of readers won't understand this...and the rest 20% will be condescending. How do you confuse Pareto? Tell him you belong to ""the"" 20%."

"Why is Sigma good at sharing? Because he only ever takes sum of the numbers!"

"Why can't a hand be 12 inches long? BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!"

"When I first met my boyfriend, he told me he shared something in common with the KKK... He was right, that man is a wizard under the sheets."

"Why are iPhones' batteries not called apple juice Because they don't have enough juice in them ^Explanation: ^circlejerk ^on ^iPhone's ^battery ^running ^out ^fast don't kill me pls, i love apple ^yay"

"If a chick tells you she's ""not like other girls"" she just proved she's exactly like all other girls."

"I think my girlfriend might be mad at me, so I'm going to make her a mix-tape to show her how much I care."

"5yo: I can't wear those socks today. They say Wednesday. Me: If anyone notices, tell them you're here from the future to save the world."

"*wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe! [later] Where's my credit card? Son of a.."

"The deadliest Knock Knock joke... [PERSON 1] Knock knock [PERSON 2] Who's there? [PERSON 1] You know... [PERSON 2] You know who [PERSON 2] AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"