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Joke of the Day

"That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology."

"Sochi Nobody's going to be Rushin there."

"People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had a beef with one."

"Everything happens for a reason. But, sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions."

"I don't have any of friends to share my video game screenshots with... Because I play video games."

"Live today like it's your last. But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't."

"The biggest threat to mankind is aliens somehow receiving transmissions of Xbox Live conversations and deciding to just blow up the planet."

"Babies are like Polaroid pictures. They develop quicker when you shake them."

"The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you."

"Why do Jews have big noses? Why not? Air is free anyway!"