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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: You look tired. Did you not get enough sleep last night? Me: Nope. Slept great! But thanks for telling me I look like shit."

"What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet."

"A penis lives a hard life His neighbor's nuts, he lives accross from an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, everyone calls him a dick, and his owner beats him."

"What do members of secret societies use when they get a head cold? An Illumi-neti pot"

"Yes, I do have a stalker. They call me every day, will occasionally buy me underwear, and know more about me than I do. I call her ""Mom."""

"A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man. That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!"

"A reddit admin awoke to the sound of a beeping alarm clock but pressed the snoo's button and went back to sleep"

"When Conor McGregor finishes in 13 seconds, everybody cheers But when I finish in 13 seconds, my girlfriend won't talk to me"

"Did you hear about the priestess who accidentally healed the evil darklord? Talk about a clerical error!"

"NSFW What is the noisiest thing in the world? Two skeletons fucking on a tin roof."