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Joke of the Day

"When a man signals a woman to walk in front & says, ""Ladies first"" it really means ""Go ahead. I'll stand back & watch how your ass walks."""

"Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? There's a great view, but no atmosphere."

"The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco."

"I had dinner with Garry Kasparov last night... I had dinner with Garry Kasparov last night and there was a checkered tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt."

"If they took all the money spent on making Godzilla movies, they could've probably just made an actual Godzilla by now."

"ME: I lied in my interview. BOSS: what was the lie? ME: all lies. except about my aunt. BOSS: she wants to party with me? ME: big time."

"How can you tell if someone's a Vegan? Don't worry... they'll tell you."

"What do you call a cat who steals someone's identity? An impawster."

"Poor Brain... It got to named itself, but was dyslexic, so Brian it was not."

"What does a traffic light tells to another traffic light? Dont look at me I'm changing"