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Joke of the Day

"If they took all the money spent on making Godzilla movies, they could've probably just made an actual Godzilla by now."

"Girl, are you organized? Because I want to get on your ToDo list!"

"A Roman guy walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says ""five beers please"""

"Those glasses really do make you look more dignified. Respectacles"

"What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman? one is a superhero and the other is a command."

"[speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married."

"I don't like telling fat jokes They weigh too much on my conscience"

"I like to yell ""Aloha, Captain Future!"" when I see someone using an iPad in public."

"My gay friend told me he loves living in Pennsylvania. He's never seen so many assholes in his life."

"""There's approximately a 50% chance there will be weather today."" -meteorologists"