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Joke of the Day
"Do you like fish sticks? Who are you? Kanye West?"
Next Joke
"My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito."
"What did Hitler Drink for breakfast? Jews."
"""That chicken died for you"" - how I get my kids to eat chicken"
"I lost my college football scholarship in the very first game this weekend, for pulling a groin. Not mine, someone else's."
"You god damn morons. All these celebrity nudes were leaked by the Illuminati to distract us from important shit like karate and hoverboards."
"yes ladies i have a black belt. its a black leather belt from Marshalls. [i flinch as a bird flys by] you girls wanna get some lunch?"
"What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer"
"[Family Dinner] Me: Grandma, please pass the updog. Sister: *Pinches bridge of her nose* Grandma: What's updog? Me: Not much, how about you?"
"What is Donald Trump most afraid of? That people will figure out he is a low energy, stupid, horse-fucking, cum-eating, rim-job giving fuckhead!!!"