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Joke of the Day

"[Family Dinner] Me: Grandma, please pass the updog. Sister: *Pinches bridge of her nose* Grandma: What's updog? Me: Not much, how about you?"

"So there's this mollusk And he walks up to the sea cucumber and he says, ""With knees like these, who needs anemones!"""

"My New Job I told my wife I had a new job in a bowling alley. She said 'Ten pin?' I said 'No, it's permanent'"

"What's a moo hoo for grazing school? Grass class!"

"Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake."

"People who make you feel special are keepers. Anyone with such good taste has to be admired."

"""You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower."" ""Really? Which rat was he?"""

"We shouldn't send our trash into space, that's how you get space raccoons"

"I can't stand people who have to use a wheelchair That's all."

"If you find me dead after tweeting & driving, please hit SEND to get that final thought out there"