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Joke of the Day

"the dog ran into a fence chasing a squirrel. she doesn't look anything like me but she's mine. i can tell"

"Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint; the phone rings,and he jumps up shouting: ""Oh Shit, I forgot to feed the dog!"""

"why did the native family starve? Somebody hid the welfare cheque in a work boot."

"Apple launches new phone with no headphone jack, making it ideal for enjoying the free U2 album."

"What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time? He screwed, nutted, and bolted."

"What do you call a turtle without its shell? Dead."

"Yes, I have read 'Game Of Thrones'. No, It is not any different from the show. -Me, after watching Game of Thrones with subtitles."

"Being successful is like getting pregnant.. ..Everyone will come to congratulate you but no one dares to ask how hard and how many times you were fucked."

"The future The world in 10 years... MTV announcer: a new punk rock band making its way to the top 100... Band leader: I'm sorry did you just assume our genre?"

"I just found a little puppy on the sidewalk and it started TALKING! It was weird but tasted great."