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Joke of the Day

"The future The world in 10 years... MTV announcer: a new punk rock band making its way to the top 100... Band leader: I'm sorry did you just assume our genre?"

"Sure, I could live a pious life so St. Peter lets me through the Pearly Gates. Or I could just crawl under the gate since IT SITS ON A CLOUD"

"Dear white people: you stop Adam Sandler from making movies and we'll stop Eddie Murphy."

"I'd rather drop a baby than my iPhone.... I mean I can make another baby.... But I have no clue how to make an iPhone..."

"Trying to improve my street cred by lowering our minivan a couple inches."

"I saw two WNBA tickets nailed to a fence today It's my lucky day! Free nails."

"California is getting so much rain right now... ...that even Caitlyn Jenner is getting wet."

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Halfway."

"[Girl's night out] Girl 1: Omg I haven't had sex in so long, I swear I have cobwebs down there Spider-Man's GF: *nervous laugh* HAHA SAME"

"The most diverse software company in the world consists of 100% black lesbian single mothers missing a body part, with arts degrees"