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Joke of the Day

"Two things Twitter cultivates and encourages: 1. instant gratification 2. sense of impatient entitlement 3. misunderstanding of basic math"

"What does a virgin woman and a shotgun have In common? One cock and they're ready to burst. EDIT: grammar, thanks /u/J7T12"

"What is a traitor's favorite food? Eggs Benedict"

"The Navy How does the Navy separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar."

"What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels still killing Indians."

"Movie joke: Sling Blade ""Two fellers was peein' off a bridge. One said the water's cold. Other the the water's deep.... I think one of 'em was from Arkansas mhmm."""

"My **** is like a bronze medal... Everyone gets it, no one wants it"

"What do you call one-tenth of a bell? A Decibell."

"Remember the guy who lost his left side? He's *alright* now"

"My Ex told me I overanalyse things... I'd believe her but she uses that excuse 19.3% of the time."