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Joke of the Day

"What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods? Teenagers these days be all ""I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."""

"My friend died at an orgy the other day and nobody knows why. It's a fucking mystery."

"[ugly sweater contest] *starts sweating* *takes home the gold*"

"I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dial were too small."

"Two elephants are in a bathtub..... One says to the other, ""pass the soap"". The other elephant promptly responds, ""no soap, radio!"""

"What did the Italian historian ask when he saw the original copies of one of the tragedian's greatest plays? Euripides?"

"This girl came up to me today and said she recognized me from Vegetarian Club. I was a bit confused, seeing how I'd never met herbivore."

"""A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend."""

"What's grey and comes in quarts? An elephant."

"What did Kobe Bryant's teamates say to him while he was scoring 81 points? ""I'M FUCKING OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"""