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Joke of the Day

"TIL that although Sting has been missing for a week... The Police still have no lead"

"A zombie apocalypse would be so much funnier if we started burying people in those fuzzy duck slippers that quack when you walk."

"The failure of my business confounds me. It just doesn't make cents."

"little son knows How to scare parents? Dad: ""Can I see your report card, son?"" Son: ""I don't have it."" Dad: ""Why?"" Son: ""I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."""

"My gran once had a bad stroke, so i screamed ""its not fucking good enough"" and pushed her into the bunker"

"I lost sixty pounds in two seconds with diet and exercise and Photoshop!"

"What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath? One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole."

"The reality is that a lot of girls out there just aren't prepared for a nice, decent guy."

"Why did my friend throw my computer out the window? So A Dell could message me and say Hello from the other side."

"what kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits."