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Joke of the Day

"H: Do you like carpet or prefer it bare? M: I'm OK with a little carpet of she shaves the rest H: We're talking about floors M: HR again?"

"Bernie Sanders The real reason Bernie Sanders went to the hospital because he looked at his poll numbers Berning up. Doctors have said that he must have felt the BERN."

"A friend was complaining about how hard it is to cook eggs sunny side up... I told him to put a lid on it."

"What do you call a bunch of Indians running down a hill? A: A mudslide How do you make one? A: Roll a coin down a hill Who is the richest man in India? A: The guy who got the coin"

"I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position Apparently that's ""misconduct"" for a special needs teacher."

"Every 3 seconds a woman has a baby Our mission is to find this woman and stop her."

"Why did the lady at the bar slap the man next to her for stroking his mustache? Because in between stroking it, he said ""hello, let me clear you off a place to sit."""

"if you ask an undercover cop what the hills are alive with, he legally has to say ""the sound of music"" or else it's von trappment"

"I've deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone... Now it's Hans free..."

"(Showing off new car) Father-in-law: Looks good, what engine has it got? Me: *ultra confident* a grey & black one"