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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes it's nice to feel another body pressed up against your own, even if rigor mortis has already set it."

"What do you call a website that steals all of Reddit's Hitler jokes? Nein Gag."

"Why are Panda's always sad? Because all their friends are dead."

"a bunch of people at a school dance waiting to get a drink that's it. that's the punch line"

"What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke"

"Ted Cruz is going to be in a movie Dummy Does Dallas"

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack!* ""Fuck!"" A skydiver goes ""Fuck!"" *whack!*"

"How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? a buck an ear"

"She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home"

"A friend of mine told me she met a really cute boy in a bar who was solving equations on a napkin. I told her to look for his unknown."