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Joke of the Day

"Paraguay-Uraguay in the final would be so guay."

"My family is starting to catch on to my ""I died"" excuse."

"Met an old friend... I ran into an old friend the other day. He asked if I was getting any on the side. I told him, ""It's been a long time, but I didn't know they'd moved it over."""

"A wannabee client asked me to find her a one bedroom apartment in Manhattan for $900/month. ...then she added ""Oh, I have a 60 pound dog, too."" I politely replied: ""I don't have a time machine."""

"Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee."

"Whats black and white and red all over? A race war."

"I don't know why I broke up with the gym... ..I guess we just weren't working out."

"Masturbating while hooked up to a heart monitor can really mess with a hospital staff They never know if you're coming or going"

"we put a man on the moon but we can't keep him there. he keeps coming back. you stay on the moon. you stay there."

"My girlfriend has this really weird fetish She likes to pretend she's 13 years old when we have sex. I don't know why, she'll be 13 in a couple of years anyway."