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Joke of the Day

"My dad beat my brother when he showed him his report card. So, I gave my report card to my mother. Let her take the beating."

"A little boy went up to his father and asked, ""Dad, where did my intelligence come from? Father replied, ""Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine."""

"What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four."

"I remember when my mother would tuck me in She really wanted a daughter (taken from a front page meme)"

"What happened when the man fell in love with his garden? It made him wed his plants! "

"Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter? Because he would just kill off all 140 characters."

"The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one"

"Went to the hospital to wish a pregnant lady giving birth a Happy Labor Day and she ripped my throat out :("

"When birds fly in a 'V' formation, one arm of the V is usually longer than the other. Do you know why that is? There are more birds on that side."

"I lost my watch at a party once... I saw this guy stepping on it while sexually assaulting a girl. I walked up to him and punched him right in the nose. No one does that to a girl. Not on my watch."