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Joke of the Day

"Went to the hospital to wish a pregnant lady giving birth a Happy Labor Day and she ripped my throat out :("

"What's purple and sequels? A skinned baby in a bag of salt. *squeals"

"If there's no God, why are feet naturally shoe-shaped?"

"A black person and a mexican walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""We don't serve rapists here."""

"A man was arrested for eating... He was at food COURT"

"What's the worst part about smelling moth balls? Having to move the moth dick out of the way first."

"Just saw the Lego Movie... ...it was very well *pieced* together! (Got this off Doug Benson's 'Doug Loves Movies' podcast)"

"CAT VAMPIRE: let me in! ME: ok CAT VAMPIRE: you fool! now I will suck your bl- ME: *closes door* CAT VAMPIRE: ... CAT VAMPIRE: let me out"

"I'm having a very hard time believing that money can't buy me happiness. Especially since I'm constantly smiling when I have it."

"What does Bill Cosby and a ninja have in common? You don't see either one coming."