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Joke of the Day

"I told my waiter the same thing i told my plastic surgeon. Give me chicken breasts."

"What's brown and runny? Usian Bolt"

"A blonde said, ""I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."" "

"Yo momma... Is so fat she started a new diet, lost a lot of weight and is doing really well now."

"So my great-grandpa died at Auschwitz.... An overused joke fell on top of him and crushed him."

"I was wondering why the night had to be this long... ...Then it dawned upon me."

"I call my dick fun Because it's what girls just want to have!"

"[Wakes up to a mysterious noise] Lover, is that you? *Refrigerator hums loudly*"

"What would I do if Future tried talking to me? I'd autotune him out. :)"

"What is the prettiest thing about a DC girl? Her resume."