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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst part about dating a French horn player? Whenever you kiss, they shove their fist up your ass."

"Republicans: Don't let Syrians in! Trump: Don't let ANY Muslims in! Republicans: TOO FAR (dude be cool, we've got an election to win)"

"Use Angie's List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants."

"In every generation there's one man who stands up for the little guy: Bernie Sanders is that little guy."

"My Fairy God-Mother once offered me the choice of a longer penis or a better memory I can't remember what I chose"

"If u ever rob someones house just bring guacamole that way if they catch you you can just yell surprise and tell them they're having a party"

"Ugh! I always think of the best comebacks when I'm burying the body."

"Voting booths are like brothels You have to decide which ass you want."

"there once was a wonderful poet who knew that one day he woud blow it cuz his poems woud rhyme most of the time but occasionaly they didnt"

"My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time"