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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Harry Potter distinguish between his best friend and his pot in potions class? They're both cauldron"

"How do you make an idiot think he's a duck? Tell him he's a duck."

"Why did the Libertarian cross the road? NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! AM I BEING DETAINED?"

"why did Hitler kill himself because he saw his gas bill"

"You know before Facebook, I use to call up 435 friends of mine everyday... just to tell them how much I hate my work and how much I love getting stoned.'"

"Justin Bieber will be an old man someday and it will be hilarious."

"is it ""milfs"" or ""milves""?"

"I Nominate Lou Gehrig."

"[reading online survey] Are you ready to double your satisfaction? My god this sounds wildly inappropriate. *clicks yes*"

"After seeing your latest selfie ... And knowing what you look like in real life.... I'd like to hire you for your photoshopping abilities."