219452

Joke of the Day

"""Special today! Jokes, half off!"" ""I'll take one."" ""Why did the chicken cross the road?"" ""I don't know, why?"" ""Sorry, that's all you get."""

"A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing... 'He's like a fish out of water.' 'You mean he's having trouble adjusting?' 'No, I mean he's dead.' -Mike Close-"

"Dating is a lot like parking All the good ones are taken. The rest take a bunch of effort or are handicapped."

"What is the recipe for honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes"

"My reactions 1st child's problems: I WILL fix this!! 2nd child's problems: Let me know if you need help. 3rd child's problems: Good luck."

"If your kids are playing and it gets totally quiet, then you hear one say ""you're okay, you're okay,"" they are definitely NOT okay."

"What happens when a T-rex gets strep? His throat becomes saurus."

"Eating pussy is like subway eat fresh."

"What do you say to a woman who didn't shave for a funeral? O-bitch-uary."

"Beethoven must've hated his music... Sure he spent a lifetime composing, but so far he's spent centuries decomposing."