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Joke of the Day

"Eddie's father called up to him 'Eddie if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!' Eddy replied 'I think you are already I stopped playing half an hour ago.'"

"You are what you eat Asshole"

"My 6 yr old just asked if I'm a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side"

"What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror"

"[faulty megaphone] LISTEN MAN, I {dont} THINK YOU SHOULD DO IT. THERE'S {no} HOPE IF YOU DO. [bangs megaphone on hand] JUST {dont} KILL THEM"

"Famous Russian snooker player Inov the red"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business. He's already an ex-terminator."

"Hey girl is your name Karl Marx? Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes"

"I know I sound like a broken record but tomorrow I'll sound like a misfiring engine and, next week, continuous loud television static."

"Nothing makes me feel less like you really do wish me the best than signing your emails ""Best,""."