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Joke of the Day

"I like my whiskey as I like my women. 12 years old and mixed with coke"

"Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back."

"Did you hear there was a sequel to The Boy in the Striped Pajamas where he visits Charlie in his chocolate factory? It's called the Gas Elevator (I know I'm going to hell for this)"

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."

"I was two girls away from a threesome last night!!!"

"I feel like a million bucks today.. Seriously, how do I get rid of this erection? I'm getting worried."

"What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan."

"Having more isn't always a good thing I mean, I have a cousin with more chromosomes...."

"I like my jokes they way I like my robots. Killer."

"What do Coors Light and sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."