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Joke of the Day

"What small plant is used in war? The millitree."

"Maybe if you knew Garfield's parents were murdered on a monday by anti lasagna activists you wouldn't be so judgmental."

"TIFU by being King of the jungle. Lololol I am Lion"

"Outside, contemplating life, love, and happiness and if I should tell the neighbor that his kid has been stuck in a tree for three hours."

"Wife: How's the baby? Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours? Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat.."

"Did you hear about the gay turtle? Finally came out of it's shell."

"What did Michael Jackson ask his father's mother when she slipped and fell to the ground? Granny are you okay,I said granny are you okay,are you okay granny?!"

"The key to a successful weight loss program is a broken jaw I'd guess."

"You and Me = Grand Unification"

"Why do golf commentators speak softly? To not wake the audience."