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Joke of the Day

"How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday? Ten. Oh I don't think that's possible. Oh yes it is - I'm nine today."

"The best curve on a woman is her smile ...Hahahaha lmao! No I'm kidding, it's her boobs."

"GUY: are u in the 1% ME: more like the 2% GUY: well that's still great ME: [wondering why this guy's so in to milk] it's pretty cool I guess"

"I can kill a man with nothing but my bare gun"

"Why did the bolt in the ceiling have to go to therapy? Because it was screwed up!"

"Why did the American flag get so fat? Because these colors don't run."

"What's the worst part about eating vegetables? Swallowing the wheelchair."

"What do you call Barrack Obama with a bad spray tan? Orange is the new Barack! edit: Typo on el presidente's name."

"A cop stops a guy for speeding and he tells him:"" I had a feeling I'll give a fine today, so I waited for you here all day ."" ""Sorry , but I came as fast as I could!"""

"Leaving a warm bed on a cold morning is my personal hell."