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Joke of the Day

"At the Republican convention they kept telling everyone to stop with the Bush-bashing... Who are they to tell me what I can and can't do in the bedroom!?"

"So I'm dating this half-Korean girl... Her mother's Korean, her father's Korean, and her legs got ripped off in a car accident"

"I bet whenever a cow eats a lot of grass she says to her friends ""I've been eating like a cow!"" and they'd laugh and moo or whatever cows do"

"I tell my child, ""10 minutes till bed!"" She hears me say, ""Go put on a Halloween costume."" Why?"

"Sprayed a spider with some Davidoff Cool Water & it didn't die. Now I'm just stuck with a spider that I wanna bang."

"Donald Trump's bid for the presidency. [See: username]"

"I completely understand parents who choose not to vaccinate their children... ...because they all got vaccinated as children, and obviously turned out retarded."

"I was loving the song with the great beat in the lunchroom at work today when I realized it was the dishwasher running. It's great to be me."

"I love those lanes at the store where you can just bag your groceries, make some beep-boop noises and walk out without paying."

"The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140."