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Joke of the Day

"*gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*"

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"How does Gandalf know he's pregnant? A wizard is never late."
"Why do bees stay in their hive during Winter? Swarm."
"The King of pop is dead... The King of Snap and Crackle have been taken into protection after police suspect cereal killer."
"What profession does it take to screw in a light bulb? Driver"
"What do golfers do on nights out? **par**ty."
"You know how after you get off a boat, your body still feels like its on the boat for a while after? I'm like that with beds."
"Hi, I want to get a tattoo to express my individuality. Do you mind if I look through this book of tattoos you've done for other people?"
"For the longest time I thought a jetski was what people who say ""brewski"" for ""beer"" call an airplane."
"Sarah Millican just called Stephen Hawking a good sport."