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Joke of the Day

"My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker."

"Beautiful people are not always good, but good people are always beautiful."

"how can you tell you whenyou're in a ring of fire? When you reach for the Preparation H but accidentally grabbed a BenGay."

"Originally I didn't like having a beard but then it grew on me."

"A patriotic Helen Keller song... ""Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'Maughhghariianoo oohhghhoo onooa oooaughhahg'."""

"Although many forms of punctuation are thought to be antiquated, I still believe we live in a hyphen-nation. I still believe we live in a hyphen-nation."

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chic is you."

"Thank god the ""S"" on my keyboard doesn't work... It means I can apply for jobs and they think I'm just an ex-offender."

"Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint"

"So my spreadsheet program hasn't been working for 40 days... ...it was excellent."