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Joke of the Day

"I used to always ask my mom for things & she'd say ""what's the magic word"" and I'd say ""abracadabra"" and she'd say ""you're why dad left."""

"What pair of shoes could the ginger only wear? The pair with no sole."

"I almost drowned trying to swim today. The security guard didn't even care he just told me to get the hell out of the mall fountain."

"Muslims in the U.S.A [Removed]"

"Go to Target for shampoo. End up leaving with a blender, new pajamas, a couch, four kids and a car."

"What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat"

"A homosexual, a pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink."

"Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything."

"Why is there no Mexican olympics? because all the ones who can run, jump and swim have already crossed the border"

"Simba, everything the light touches is our kingdom ""wat abot that shadowy place. by 5pm it wil be in the sun"" ..who told you about science"